Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize