Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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