Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
