By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
