i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
