What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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