After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I deserve this hangover.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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