i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
