allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
