Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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