That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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