I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
