he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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