so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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