my sisters under your porch take her home
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
