Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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