Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
