all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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