I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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