I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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