Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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