Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
