I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
