you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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