Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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