forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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