a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
