I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Shame - the story of my life.
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