if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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