those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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