You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
