Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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