My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
