did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
