peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
