Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
