I'm jealous of your bromance
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
