did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
