can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
