i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize