Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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