smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize