Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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