I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
