Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
