If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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