Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
