Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
