I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize