My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
