UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
