youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
