Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
