I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize