i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
