i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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