My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize