Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
