thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
