He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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