i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
