your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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