You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
