I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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