I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
