He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
