The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
