Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
