is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
