News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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